I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
