I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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