woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
