I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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