I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize