You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
