the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I FOUND THE LEGS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
