I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
