you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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