Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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