pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
