God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
