i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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