And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize