I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
