If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
