you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
