I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
