Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
