Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sext me about skeletons
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
