Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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