Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
