no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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