I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize