What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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