Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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