She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
