pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize