just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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