im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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