don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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