How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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