Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
