we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize