Too much gin, very little bucket
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
