I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
