Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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