so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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