there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
