Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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