guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
