You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
