They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
