No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
