I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
