there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
