I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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