I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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