we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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