she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
