Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize