You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
