At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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