Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
