Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
