did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
