Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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