His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
