I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
