I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
