She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
