he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wear drunk well.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
