haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
