my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
