I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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