VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
