I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
