I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
