Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
