I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
