Don't make out with my wife yet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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