I wish I could punch you in the face.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
