Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize