I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
