i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
