Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
