I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
