so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
