8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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