You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Operation Purity has been aborted
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
