I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
