dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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