I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
