We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
