my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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