Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
