Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize