While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
