After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
