i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
