i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
