I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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