my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
